


Peace of Mind

by lrose20



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2017-01-29
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrose20/pseuds/lrose20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the Emperor's death and the destruction of the second Death Star, Leia struggles to come to terms with her lineage. It would be so much easier to hate her father if he didn't keep appearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Despite her denial of Luke's declaration that Leia was capable of using the force just as he could, she'd been experiencing more and more fluctuations and ripples in the Force. These past few months had been chaotic and difficult enough with the destruction of the second Death Star, and the death of the Emperor. Not to mention Leia trying to figure out what her relationship with Han really was. The last thing Leia needed was to become a pseudo Jedi.

Her brother (which she still found hard to say and think sometimes, despite knowing in her heart it was the truth) was delighted she had begun to feel with the Force. He encouraged her to let it in, to explore what she could feel and to not try and shut it out. He could now see all the potential that others had seen in him inside of Leia. Leia loved Luke, but she didn't really think he understood her reluctance. For Luke, becoming a Jedi, facing the Empire, joining the Rebellion, it was all a new, exciting, dangerous, whirlwind of an adventure. Beyond farming and going off to the Academy, Luke hadn't had much in the way of plans. Becoming a Jedi seemed ideal for him, a path he was chosen for.

Leia however had been given a position from the time she was adopted: that of a princess. Growing up with the Empire growing stronger and stronger, she had then become an ambassador, and about the same time, a member of the Alliance, as her father was a supporter of their cause already. Leia had a job already, as a minor leader within a new society. And she had fallen in love, with the kind of man her childhood self had dreamed of, but who her adult self had never imagined being fond of. Between the Alliance and Han, Leia had no room for the Force. 

And yet in the Force barged, with no invitation. It grew stronger inside her, as more and more of Palpatine's influence faded. There were times when if Luke wasn't paying attention, or was asleep, that Leia would sense his emotions, his hopes and fears. It made Leia highly uncomfortable, despite all of Luke's reassurances that it was alright, he never tried to hide anything from her anyway. Leia did all she could to block it out, until one day...she couldn't stop it.

 

It was on Naboo, fitingly, that Vader-or Anakin- appeared to her. She had made the trip to her mother's home planet. Regrettably, without Luke, as he and Han had been called away for a special assignment. Leia had seen holograms of Naboo before hand, but nothing could prepare her for just how beautiful her mother's home truly was. The lush green meadows, the waterfalls, the ancient architecture. Leia spent most of her time on the grass looking out at the water, she found it incredibly calm and peaceful- until a voice spoke,

"I remember this field. We were so young, so in love...so foolish." 

Leia turned with a start, her heart pounding at the sound of a voice she recognized so well, even without the respirator altering it. 

"Vader."


	2. Chapter 2

"Princess," the ghost-like spectre decided upon, after a moment of deliberation. Leia imagined he had considered calling her by her first name, before reconsidering, but that could have just been her own imagination. Fear and anger were too palpable for any continued civility,and she scrambled to her feet, backing away from him, as she said,

"How can you be here? Luke told me you died. He cremated your body. You can't be here, you-"

"I am dead," Vader cut her off, his palm outstretched to placate her, as her words had begun to turn hysterical. He had been able to feel her pulse quicken, feel her unconsciously calling out to her twin. He had no wish to cause her more distress than was necessary. He felt her fear ebb away, though suspicion remained, her brown eyes narrowed, as he was so often used to them being. Vader could not blame her, had he been in her place he would have acted much the same way. Like father, like daughter.

"Then how-"

"Your brother has failed to teach you much. Though I sense this is perhaps not his fault."

Leia's eyes flashed, annoyed with how easily Vader could sense hers and Luke's relationship. "Stay out of my head, it's not your concern."

"You needn't fear for your mind, your highness. It is only into Luke's mind I tread, and only because my son has the patience and kindness his mother possessed. Rightfully so, few others would have the trust in me that Luke has. Though there is little I could do to betray that trust now."

Though Leia could feel in the Force that what he said was true, he had indeed not been milling about in her thoughts, she was reluctant to tell him as such. She didn't want him to be here, let alone have a conversation with him. "I don't care if Luke trusts you. I don't care about...about anything to do with you. You haven't answered my question. That's the only thing I care to know. How are you here?"

Vader nodded, his eyes soft and thoughtful. It was jolting for Leia to see him like this, without that black helmet to obscure his expression. Luke had told her how badly their father had been scarred, his head torn and jagged, his skin deathly white from never seeing the sun. The man standing before her looked nothing like that; gone were the remnants of that fateful fight with Obi-Wan. He was no longer a young man, but nor was he scarred or disfigured. Vader looked so like Luke, blond-brown hair, and of course, those striking blue eyes. Leia found she could not look into those eyes for long, and was forced to tear her gaze away. "When a Jedi dies, they become one with the Force. For a while, those of us who have passed on are capable of walking among the living. We cannot touch, nor intervene. But we can guide, and we can speak."

Luke hadn't told her this, no. But Vader had been correct, Leia hadn't wanted Luke to. He was not to blame for her ignorance. As it was, it didn't change facts. "Well I have no interest in speaking with you, Lord Vader." Her words were blunt but her tone calm and collected. Years as a young politician and royalty had given her the gift of always sounding diplomatic.

"I know," Vader replied. "Your anger is palpable, despite what you tell yourself. I will leave. Enjoy your stay here...Leia." And with that, he was gone, as silently as he had came.


	3. Chapter Three

The next time Leia spoke to her father, she was upset. She was on her ship, which had just broken free of the atmosphere on Naboo. Leia was more than capable of flying herself now, having Han and Luke around to teach her had greatly advanced her skills. Those two would have flown the ship by hand, never once wanting to give away control. Leia on the other hand was more than happy to lay in a course and let auto pilot take over. The ship beeped twice at her, assuring her that it was safe to let go, and Leia leaned back in her chair, before burying her face in her hands.

"You are troubled," came a voice from beside her. Not a question, but rather a statement. Leia was not startled by her father's voice this time, but rather frustrated. She didn't need him here to tell her what she obviously knew herself.

"I want nothing from you, Lord Vader," came her answer, her gaze directed away from him. "Leave me in peace."

"Would that I could, Leia," Vader replied. "However, you have called me here with the Force, and I cannot simply go. It does not work this way."

Leia did look at him this time, only to fix him with a deeply unimpressed look. Vader's heart was warmed by her expression, though she would not understand. She of course reminded him of Padme, she had long before he knew she was his child. And how could he have ever not seen that was Luke's sister, with such force of spirit. 

"I would never in a thousand light years call you to me. You consumed enough of my time when you were still alive, why would I seek you out now that you're dead?"

"The Force works through us, we do not always have a say it what it chooses to do. You are upset, and it somehow involves me, or I would not be here." 

"And you won't go away until I tell you." Now it was Leia's turn to make assume, and Vader nearly laughed. 

"Cannot. But see it however you choose."

Leia rolled her eyes upwards, a little huff escaping her lips. "My mother," she admitted. "I mean...mine and Luke's real mother. She was why I was on Naboo. But I couldn't..." She trailed off, irrational sadness engulfing her. Vader could feel the change in the Force, but it did not worry him. Leia had never shown enough interest in the Force to begin with; this sadness was not tied to light or dark inside the Force. He did not worry for Leia's purity, as he sometimes did Luke's. 

"Couldn't...?" he prompted, with a wave of his hand that was so like his former cruel self that Leia blanched at it, faltering. Yet his eyes were calm and patient, a mirror of Luke, and with another deep breath, Leia managed to continue.

"I couldn't find any proper records of her. History says she exists, that she was once a Queen, and then a Senator. Nothing else. It's as though she was wiped from history."

"For good reason. Most of my past self was erased after the Emperor helped me turn to the dark side. You know as well as I that many a rumor ran wild about who Lord Vader truly was. How were we ever to keep fear and control if someone stumbled upon my former wife, or any of my Jedi ties? Most people believed that Anakin Skywalker died that night on Mustafar. In body and soul. Your mother was systematically erased...it was easy, then. I had already lived with the knowledge that I killed her. That was nothing in comparison."

Leia's shoulders slumped. She had hoped perhaps Vader would simply scorn her attempts to learn about her mother, tell her of course she was looking in the wrong place, that there were archives readily available. That had been a childish hope. "So, I'll never be able to learn more about her...And neither will Luke." Her poor brother. Leia had been blessed to have people who raised her as their own daughter, she had been given all the luxuries and joy a child could ever hope. Luke's Aunt and Uncle had never been cruel to him, they had done their best with a child who they little real connection to. But Tattoine was a far cry from Alderan, and there had never been any pretense about their relation to Luke. 

"Your brother has already learned much about his mother. You needn't fear for him, he has been told as much as he cares to know about her, and more."

Leia looked up sharply at this, a jolt of hope going through her. "From who?"

"Me, of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I refer to Vader as such in this story so far because to Leia, that's who he is. Remember Alderan, as well as my probably reasonable head canon that Leia saw a fair amount of Vader growing up. I think it's a lot easier for Luke to see him as Anakin, a former Jedi, than it is for Leia.


	4. Chapter 4

Of course. Leia should have realized; as soon as she'd asked who, she'd known it was a stupid question. She had no idea how many times Luke and their father had spoken, most likely more than what she felt was wise. But it was not up to her to make Luke's decisions for him. 

"He never mentioned," Leia pointed out, displeased to hear how petulant she sounded. 

"I believe your brother wanted you to hear about her from me."

"He was foolishly optimistic to believe we'd speak again," Leia muttered. 

Vader smiled, a sight that unnerved his daughter to no end. "Or rather wise. Luke has a grasp on the Force that I never had. He is often aware to some extent or another about how his loved ones will act. If he hadn't this capability, I do not believe he ever would have been able to face the Emperor with such grace and dignity. Even at the end, when you were exposed to me, he was able to pull himself back from the darkness. Luke knew we would speak again. And indeed here we are."

"Indeed," Leia repeated, with far less pleasure. "Now, I have done you the courtesy of telling you why I was upset. Do me the courtesy of leaving me be." 

"If that is what you wish," Vader conceded. "It is however a long flight...and I sense your desire to learn more of your mother. We needn't speak of anything other than her."

He waited in silence for Leia's response, watching her with thinly veiled curiosity. He knew how stubborn the princess could be, how obstinate she was. He also knew that she never liked to be kept in the dark. As such, he was pleased, but not surprised when Leia slowly nodded.

"Yes, yes I-Tell me about her," she finished with an air of command. 

"Your mother...Padme." Vader paused, the name still hard to speak. His grief was long lasting and ever present, and as Padme had not been a Jedi, his only means of seeing her was still in odd dreams and shadows. She was still out of reach, somewhere beyond. "Padme Amidala to the public, born Padme Naberrie. A queen at only fourteen, she was little more than a puppet for the Republic. She never stood for that lightly though. She was always headstrong, going out when a hand maiden should have gone in her place. That's how we first met. When I was no more than a foolish slave boy, only nine. I believed her an angel, my angel. A fantasy I am afraid I never quite let go of."

Leia gazed at Vader with a bit of wonder, as well as doubt. She tried to imagine this man here, and the man she had known, as a nine year old boy. It was near impossible, how could this man have ever been so innocent as to see a beautiful young girl and believe her an angel?

Vader chuckled, drawing Leia's attention back to the present. "Your thoughts betray you. Much of my innocent longing for your mother changed...during my Jedi training, I did not see her. I was much older when we met again, and though at first there was a childlike familiarity, I desired more. Despite what the Jedi Council decreed, I do not to this day believe love should be forbidden. Your brother and you hold a great capacity for love, yet I do not think this impedes either of your abilities to remain within the light of the Force. My love for Padme was more an obsession, it consumed me, the more I was told I could not have it, the more I wanted it. And your mother was so truly in love with me, I believe she became blinded of what it was doing to me. I don't think she could ever dissociate me from that little boy she first met...if she had, perhaps she would have survived me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, Vader's not proud of his son, I don't know what you're talking about.
> 
> ...no that's a lie, he's totally fucking proud.


	5. Chapter Five

"Survive you- you mean-?

Vader could hear his daughter's horror, could see what she was thinking. He shook his head. "She did not die by my hand. Your mother was doomed to misery the day she married me. I believed I could be a Jedi, and a secret husband. But the lie tore me apart, it made everything in our relationship a lie. I could not tell Obi Wan of my life with your mother, and I could not- **would** not reveal the growing darkness in the Force to your mother. And then the unthinkable happened. She fell pregnant."

"That must have been a burden for you," Leia finally cut it, her tone bitter.

Vader shook his head, his gaze stern. "Never. I was afraid, yes. And I failed to think of you and Luke as more than extensions of your mother. But you were never unwanted. Learning of your conception was the happiest day of my life."

Leia stared at him in surprise; she had expected him to deny them being a burden, expected him to act honorable. But she hadn't been expecting him to say that it had been the happiest day of his life.

"For nearly two decades, I believed I had killed Padme. Sidious," the name was spat, as though poison on his tongue, "Lead me to believe it. And I listened to him without question. I had  _felt_ her alive, I knew I had. But I listened to his lie, and thought it truth. After all, the darkness twists and manipulates and warps. For all I knew, I could not even recall the violent end I had wrought upon her."

"But then I met a foolish young boy who had somehow escaped with  _you_ , had destroyed the Death Star with a single blow. And I was given a name." Vader paused, remembering the day Fett had come to him. ' _Only  a name. Skywalker.'_ The glass cracked and splintered, with his realization. He had a  _son._ He had not killed his wife. Sidious had  _lied._ And that was the end of everything.  **And** the beginning of everything. 

"I knew then the truth, and that I had to find Luke." 

"I remember her," Leia murmured, speaking for the first time in several moments. The Force Ghost gave her a confused and shaken look. Had-had she lived longer than he'd been lead to believe? 

"When?  _How-"_

Leia cut him off, her braids bobbing gently with the movement. "It's only the one memory. Luke thinks it has something to do with the Force, an imprint of the day I was born. She was beautiful...and kind, I could feel that. But sad. And fading. So quickly."

She jerked, as though the memory was actually burning her. Her dark eyes brimmed with tears that had not been there a moment ago. 

Something similar shined in her father's eyes, if Force Ghosts were capable of tears. "She was beautiful. More than just in appearance. Her very soul held a beauty that I can barely begin to describe..."

They stared at each other for a moment, faded blue eyes meeting brown. It was the first time Leia could even start to look at this man and see a parent, Anakin Skywalker, the man he could have been. 

"Find the Naberrie family. If any of your mother's family remains, that's where you'll find them. They welcomed me with open arms. I know they will do the same with you."

And before Leia could respond, Vader gave her a small smile, and faded away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short I'm sorry. Saw Rogue One earlier this month and SW bit me again and I can't shake the bug so I decided to update this


	6. Chapter Six

A couple of weeks later, Vader found his daughter crying. Her face, usually so stoic and unreadable, was blotchy and stained with tears. Her hair was pulled up in a simple bun this time, rather than the more ornate hair styles she usually wore. It was clear today was not good.

"Why are you crying?" He had meant to sound gentle, so as to not startle Leia. But she jerked back nonetheless, her head snapping up. Her eyes narrowed and she furiously wiped at the tears lingering on her cheeks, though the moisture remained. "Kriffing  **hell** ," she swore, vehemently.

"You just don't stop, do you?"

"I can't simply up and choose to retire from this plane of existence, if that's what you're asking," Vader replied, expression sad. 

"I would be so lucky," Leia muttered. 

"Your brother is worried about you," Vader told her, ignoring her words. He was not here for a battle of wills.

Leia's brow furrowed, fury slicing through her. If Luke had sent their "father" to find her, she would personally dismantle his X-Wing piece by piece and throw the parts into the fiery inferno of Mustafar. 

"Luke needs to mind his own business." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away with spite, set on not speaking to him.

"Something has changed," Vader declared, not willing to accept her silence. Leia stiffened, her back rigid. Damn him and the Force, and everyone like him and Luke. Always peeking where they were not invited.

"I'm pregnant," she told him, the words coming out as fast as possible, in order to get this over with. "I've...I've known for a month or so."

"Forgive me, but...I was under the impression that was happy news."

Leia's shoulders sagged, her head hanging in misery. "It  _is_. Or-it's  _supposed_ to be."

"Is it the father you are unhappy about then? That Han Solo?"

"Han's  **fine** ," Leia snarled, face contorting with anger. How dare he try and imply she wouldn't want to have a child with him? Yet the anger on her face held a hint of something else, as well. Fear? "It's  **you** ," Leia added.

Vader paused, wondering if he'd misheard. "I  _am_ dead, Leia. I can't-"

"But your legacy might not be," Leia interjected, and tears filled her eyes again, the anger being overcome by worry and terror. 

Oh.  **Oh.** What could he say to this. Words failed him. This unborn child...would carry the Skywalker blood. Even if he didn't have the name, he would certainly have power and presence in the Force. The silence stretched on, obstructive and suffocating. It was Leia who finally broke it again, her voice utterly wretched.

 

"Before Luke told me about you-about us-I dreamed of having a child. A child to carry on the last of Alderaan. A child of two strong, capable,  _insane_  people. But then I discovered  **you** had sired me." There was purposeful emphasis on the word "sired", rather than "fathered". Her father had been Bail Organa. Nothing would ever change that.

"My child could become a monster," Leia continued, her hands clenched into fists. "Am I supposed to bring a child into this world, knowing  _that_? How could I hurt others like that? How could I do that to my own  _child_ ?" 

 

"I became Vader because I was  **alone**." He at last spoke up, urgency blazing in his eyes. "I was a  _slave_ , torn away from my mother, told not to love, manipulated and  **used** by the one man who I told everything to. Your child will  **not** be alone, Leia." 


End file.
